True Story #2: The Outsourced Pimento Cheese

I took a lunch break from work today and walked about a block to the Person Street Pharmacy conveniently located on, you guessed it, Person Street. I walked up to the counter and asked the lady if they made their own pimento cheese. While it may be a ridiculous question, it is a necessary one in the art of Grilled Pimento Cheese Sandwich (on whole wheat) ordering. Her response was "we have someone who does it for us". What? What does that even mean? "Are you telling me you outsource your pimento cheese spread? "That it is too troublesome to combine chopped up cheese, mayonnaise, pimentos, and pepper"? "Bull Malarky, i say". I didn't actually say that, but thought it after the fact. Anyway, for those of you who aren't familiar with food service lingo/jargan/shop talk, that means....."we buy it at the grocery store". I also noticed that it was in a Country Crock container, so either Country Crock has expanded their butter business to pimento cheese spread or whoever made it stored it in an empty butter vat. I have to assume Country Crock has risen the bar and moved onto bigger and butter things... (had to do it and no, I am not sorry). It was a great sandwich though and the ladies at the counter were nice, country folk and I recommend it to anyone who is a fan of lunch counters. It made me think of the days when I used to work in the food service industry and how I said what I needed to say in order to satisfy the customer. Basically feeding a complete stranger a spoonful of BS. Like when I would tell a guest that I was brewing a fresh pot of coffee for them. Translation, "Oops, I forgot about your coffee, which is why it is taking so long". Another is when they would ask about the qualities and characteristics of a certain wine, in which I would reply with something referring to "hints of oak and asparagus" or "touches of raspberries and sorgum syrup" or that "a party of four came in last night, ordered three bottles and loved it". Translation, "I have not a clue, but you should order four bottles to avoid being branded a tight wad". Although I could sense the restaurant BS from day one, and wanted out ASAP, I became a victim of the spoon feeding mentality in order to get a hefty tip and make the night as smooth, painless and quick as possible, emphasis on the word quick. It was an interesting time in my life, considering I am a genuine man. Sometimes you gots to do what you gots to do, know what I mean? In closing, I hope this entry has provided you with a bit of laughter and entertainment. If not, please let me know, and I will outsource the next one for better results.